Santa on the roof...

Air Date: 19/10/2003

Background.

You've just had an exam. It didnt go too wonderfully.

Normally, Andy, Mary and yourself blitz exams, what with Mary's nagging to actually do the pracs and her detailed lecture notes combined with Andy and your amazing sun-su/zen study methodology usally means that you blitz it. Oh and the home build, wireless network, pants with LCD belt buckles dont hurt either.

This set hasnt been quite so good, alas. Mary was somewhat more occupied with the slaying gig than usual. I mean all through school she handled slaying and study, but since starting uni its been harder.

At the start of the year, her being kidnapped by the War Council and killed/revived really upset her. Duh! It freaked you too! It was hard, but you delt and the you all worked through it.

At first things seemed ok. Jayde and Mary patrolled together and things seemed to be working out.

Lately though, Mary really seems to have been weirded out by Jayde's accusation that she isnt the slayer. It didnt help that Jayde said that Faith was really the slayer, not her.

Mary hadnt liked Faith since she made a play for you just after Mary got away from the war council. I mean, sure, normally you'd be up for it, and Mary knows that, but she'd just been murdered by the war council and your own life philosophy aside, you're not so inhuman as to go off partying with someone else when Mary's just been through that.

Anyway, Jayde just wont give way on this. I mean she knew Mary as the slayer at school. I mean, sure, she was a total bitch to all of you, but she kinda tolerated you. (More than the other non popular kids she regularly, socially crucified).

Jayde's constant aquisations seem to be pushing the two of them into opposide courts. Recently, any mention of the 'J' word turns Mary into Scary Serious Mary who isnt much fun to be around at all.

Mary and Jayde seem more and more like enemeies and the coucil dont seem to be doing jack about it. You've spoken to them, but they "dont want to drive Jayde away." Meanwhile Jayde and Mary and getting closer and closer to blows.

Mary seems much harder and on edge. She is starting to withdraw and not talk to you as much any more. She's comeing home more often with bruises and cuts.

Just last night, (Sunday night/Monday morning) Mary said that Jayde and Faith were summoning demons and the council caught them. Now apparently they're all on the run. Michael, Jayde's body guard, even shot at Mary!

Its just a fucking mess.

Monday, 7pm, Geek house.

Andy and Casey are playing "3D Space Shootout Nightmare 2" on their Linux Modded PS2 (Andy coded it for a 3d graphics prac that got a little out of hand). The physics exam is on thursday, right and this helps you visualise.

Mary is out on council biz, meeting or patroling or something.

Andy is winning and you're suspecting that there is some button combination that gives you an extra 'wormhole'. You try and remember to dissassemble the code tomorrow.

Anyway, Andy is distracted doing a straffing run on your homebase when you hear a scraping sound on the side of the house. Thinking nothing of it (and planting a stealth mine on Andy's refueling station) you keep playing, but soon, there is a noise on teh side of the house and up onto the roof that even bloodlusting Andy hears.

"What the fsck is that? Squirrels? Squirrels! Hey, you get the aerosole cannon. Ill get some nails. We'll teach those lame campers who is elite, yeah."

The sound of a muffled voice and a roof tile being slid open quiets him.

"Talking squirrels. Jebus man, we're gunna need a bigger boat."

Casey pulls out the phone and dials 911, but doesnt press 'connect'. Andy grabs his razor studded potato shotgun from his room.

From the roof comes the sounds of stuff being moved round and a muffled sneeze.

Casey stares at phone and then remembers the rocket fuel that he's distilling in the bathroom. Hmmm. Police wouldnt like that.

"Dude, put the chip maker away. If we have to call the cops I dont want to try and explain what made the hole in whoever we shoot. We're ment to be the victims here. Lets not give them an excuse to search the place."

"Ah. Yeah. Good point." Andy drops the spudgun from hell under the sofa.

Figuring that anyone who has come to kill them will probably already know they are home, Casey yells out "Hey, we have absolutely no easily carried and sold consumer items, so get lost!"

The noise in the roof stops. There is a short pause and then a voice calls out. "Ah, is, ah, Mary home?"

Andy looks over to Casey. "Cool! Its Faith."

"How do you know Faith?"

"Remember that pizza and manga night we had a month ago? Faith said she could leap, ninja like onto the roof. We did the calculations, remember? She'd have to be made of leopard muscle to do it. You and mary still owe me $50 'cause I so would have collected that bet." Andy looks up at the roof. "Shit. Maybe she can do it. Zarquan, dude, maybe she really is a ninja! With all this vampires and shit there has to be ninjas too, right? Oh shit. I knew she was trouble."

"Er. /Just/ Faith? If so, its traditional in hooman society to use the front door...." Casey leans in close and whispers to Andy "Are you, um, sleeping with her? Just curious..."

"Yeah man! Unless you're a ninja! Then it *BOOM* in through the window." Andy stops illustrating ninja attack methods and looks up at Casey. "Sleeping with her? Ah, not really. We messed around a bit in Mary's bed, but nothing near home base."

Casey shakes his head and turns back to look and listen to roof. After a short pause, the scrambling resumes, but it seems evident to be moving down off from the roof.

"Er, hello? Faith, is it just you?"

The sound gets to the edge of the roof, and is followed by a *thump*. "Fuck!"

Casey sighs and tells Andy to get the first aid kit while he goes outside to see what she landed on - hopefully nothing sharp, poisonous or explosive.

Andy runs off (carefully) to the bathroom. Heading outside himself, Casey spots Faith rising off the ground, against the wall is a ladder (so much for the Ninja bet!) and a distance away is a large sports bag.

Spotting Casey, Faith hobbles in the direction of the sports bag, cursing like a sailor.

"Oooo, its like a female santa. That stupid genie was right, and my wishes would come true."

Stopping and turning, ready to fight, Faith looks around, spots only Casey and seems to give up on the hobbling. "So, little miss perfect aint home huh?" The door bursts open and Andy appears, first aid bag in hand. Faith clenches her fists, but relaxes again.

Andy helpfully offers, "Tada! First aid kit. Can I rub some disinfectant anywhere?"

Shaking her head, Faith limps back towards the bag. "Ill have a bitch of a bruise, but I dont think its bleedin'".

"Ok, good. Andy, go and get some of that homebrew - and don't run with it, it might explode. " Casey waits until Andy goes and is out of earshot. "So, kidnapping, hostage taking, hiding out or coming for Mary? Or just a beating of known associates as a warning?"

Fiath flips Casey and angry look and a middle finger. "Escape kit, actually. Everythings gone to shit so Im bailing." She gets to the bag and hefts it up on her shoulder, staggering a bit. "Jesus, should have packed light." She turns back to Casey. "See, I know whats been goin' on now. News flash, your girl aint the saint that everyone thinks she is. Me, Jayde, Arden, Michael and Lucy, we all know now. Cat's out of the bag." Faith laughs. "Time's running out for her, chief."

"Cool, just checking. I'd rather Andy didn't get hurt. Um. Escaping to the roof on top of my house? And, um, well, Mary did say that you and Jayde had been doing the voudou thing with demons on Sunday, so accusations abound really."

"Escape kit actually. Figured Id have to run, so I stashed some stuff." She lugs it up to her shoulder with a grunt and then drops it back to the ground. "What the fuck did I put in this thing?" She starts to unzip it. "Yeah, well Mary would say that wouldnt she? Ya know, we contacted the Mayor [ed: who became a demon when he tried to eat Sunnydale] and he wanted Jayde to help me get my powers back. See, we didnt need to tell him at all. He knew! Lucy figured that if someone had taken the Slayer from me, then maybe people outside this dimension wernt effected. Turns out she was right, huh?" Faith opens the bag and gasps. "Holy fuck!"

Casey takes a couple of steps forward and looks to see what she's so surprised by, fearing the worst.

Inside the bag is piles of cash. Lots of cash. More money than Casey has seen in one place ever.

"Holy fuck. Where did this come from?" Faith recovers slightly and bends down. "Ooooh, hello." She pulls out a gun and looks up to Casey with an evil smile. "Ya know, I dont remember packin' this."

"Er. How about you don't scare the neighbours and put it back in the bag." Casey kneels down and sees what else is in there, talking as he peeks. "And what's this about you ... wait, Jayde was babbling about you being the Slayer a few weeks ago, and Mary wasn't, right? Just before this stupid fight between them started." He looks up at Faith.

Inside the bag is bundles of cash, still neatly packed into stacks as if from a bank, one change of cloths, some extra undies etc, three playstation2 save modules and some ammunition for the gun. Faith slips the gun into her belt and then slaps Casey's hand. "Dont touch my money." Faith starts to lift the bag again. "Yeah. Well Lucy's some chick from some secret organsiation and now she knows, your girl is screwed." She sneers at Casey. "Have a nice life."

"Hey, no fair - you can't make cryptic comments then leave. What is up? Who's Lucy, what's Mary done, what's she think you've done and why are you taking my Final Fantasy save game?"

"Sure I can. You and your girl aint dont jack for me and, after what Jayde and Lucy say, kinda the opposite. Lucy is some magic chick from the Golden something. She came here to look into the prophesy about the 4 slayers fighting it out at the OK coral." She fishes some of the save modules out of the bag (not all of them, there were atleast two more) and throws them at Casey. "There ya go. You have fun now, huh?" Her voice goes cold. "And if I do become a Slayer again, then I'll be sure to drop back in and say 'Hi.', ok?"

Andy bursts out of the back door again with the potato gun. "Freeze."

Faith just shakes her head and starts to head off.

"Andy, don't!" He leaves the save modules where they are and follows Faith. "Look, I know you and Mary don't get on, but when have I given you shit? If there's crap going on, I want to try and help out. Let's grab a coffee or something?"

"What so your little superhero girlfriend can come and kick my ass? Not likley." She snorts. "Unless you're willing to be Mr Hostage with a gun at his head. That'd almost be worth while. Look, truth is you aint given me shit so I wasnt planning on killing you or anything. You matter to Mary, so that makes you an appealing target, but my fight is kinda with her. Sure, if Im not the Slayer, then hitting her" she taps her heart, "here is real tempting, but it aint the time yet sport."

"Duh - that's why I didn't mean here. Pick somewhere." Casey grinds his teeth and tries to ignore the killing Mary bravado.

"Err. Sure. Lets split." Faith turns to leave (with the bag obviously :). She turns to shout at Andy, "Hey, tiger, you roof needs fixing." Andy's spud gun droops.

Faith and Casey off and after a while Faith shoves the bag to Casey. "Be a gentleman, carry that, huh? And dont make me shoot you."

They stop at the first coffee shop along the way (towards the uni naturally, where the coffee beans collect). Grabbing a table out of the way somewhere, they sit and order some coffee.

"So, I guess you wanna talk me out of hurting your girl, huh? See if some heartfelt honesty can make it all better? Look, Ive taken a lot of shit over the years but Mary taking my slayer powers is pretty well the limit. And that is ignoring the whole 'change everyones memories' part of it all. Doesnt it piss you off that she screwed with your head?" She leans in closer. "Or is it just that she did all this and didnt tell you?"

"Hey, I like Mary a lot. Duh. But that doesn't make me an idiot, nor blind. She's been double weird in the last few weeks. You say she's stolen her powers and changed everyone's memories. Jayde has been making weird accusations too, Mary says you're both working with demons. So... I guess i'm hunting proof, or at least what seems likely, and i'm sort of trying to keep an open mind. /How/ would she steal everyone's memories and you powers, for a start." (Yes, it does bug Casey that Mary might have tricked him).

"Well I can tell you what I know. Jayde said that as far as she remembers it, Im the Slayer not Mary. She said that when Glitch left, I took over his room in your house. What else? Oh yeah, it was me not Mary that the war council grabbed and it was me not Mary who killed Orme, the End of Level baddie from the fire demon thing. She also said that I got.. shit! That's proof! Look, the Mayor left me this bucket load of cash, what with him basically ownin' Sunnydale for the last 100 years. Jayde said that Wolfram and Hart contacted me and a couple of months back with that. That must be where this" she points to the bag, "money comes from. Yeah. That makes sense. From what I remember, thanks to your girl, it was WM+H that got me out of prison last week and they told me about the cash then. I was planning to stash some away for a quick escape. I must have done that while I was living here. Lucy, the chick from the Golden Sun or something, she said that she wasnt surprised by what Jayde said. She said she thought that I should have been the Slayer or atleast I was one of the very likley candidates. She said she had a way of checking who was really the Slayer, but I guess thats all fucked now since Mary shot her with an arrow. Shit! She's probably still at the hotel. Fuck. I hope the cops didnt get her."

Casey blinks and says "hang on." He steals a poster from the wall, turns the white side up and grabs a pen from a waitress. He draws a line down the middle and writes a couple of notes. "Right, keep going."

"Sorry. Ok, let me explain. So, Im the Slayer, right. The War Council spring me from prison and try and call an army of Slayers by killing and reviving me over and over. Jayde springs me and life's good. The knife that the Mayor got me turns up again, which is weird, but it turns out to be magical. Apparently it's real special or something."

[Casey would remember the knife from highschool. It was recovered from a shop selling cursed items. The knife can drain life and do magic with it. Mary is a strong enough magician to control the knife and she uses it to stake vamps and other nasties and it drains energy from them. It's slower than humans, but still works. Plus the knife has saved Mary's life a few times, it can become unnaturally sharp and also (sometimes, although its very hard to make it do) heal the wielder.]

"Anyway the council roll up, including fucking Henry and they take over. Better yet, WR+H come and tell me they got all this cash from the Mayor's will thats now all mine. Plus some friendly blinky demon thing thats ment to look after me. Naturally the council wern't impressed. Anyway, screw 'em, eh?"

"So, Im living large off this big bundle of cash the Boss sent me. Plus things are ok with Jayde. Apparently we even hung out a bit, but I kinda punched out one of her friends. Apparently I did that in both versions of history. Weird huh? Wonder how much other stuff is the same."

"So it comes time to deal with the fire demon thing, so we go deal with it, but I get stabbed by Orme and his sword." [which Casey remembers happening to Mary].

"Apparently it was kinda serious, cause it seems I was back in coma land. Yaay me. Thats twice now. Anyway, my blinky pal checks me out and keeps me away from the council and other nasties."

"Seems Mary ended up with my knife though. Jayde said that it wasnt to much after that that Mary ends up the Slayer and Im back to nobody. Neatly enough, my blinky demon pal 'threatened' Mary, so she had to kill it. Yeah, right."

"From there I only remember not being the Slayer."

"In that version the council get me paroled from prision and Im their bloody slave, working a shitty job by day and patroling at night. Anyway, with me hitting one of Jaydes friend and some lie about me intimidating witnesses, they cops want to put me back in the slammer. Jayde does fuck all to help, and Im rearrested. Her dad comes and does some legal stuff, but Im still back where I dont wanna be. Next thing WH+H come and tell me they can get me out and that I got this money the Mayor left me. I say great and they get me out."

"Jayde tells me that I should be the Slayer and this magic chick from some secret order say that it might be true. She says that this Traveller demon thing is a 'weaver of reality' or something and that it might be doing it. We decide to contact Ovocam, the demon the Mayor turned into and he says that I should be the Slayer. Anyway before we can do any more Mary and her council cadets jump in the door. Mary nails Lucy with a crossbow and easy as that we're hunted by the council again."

"'Cause they obviously want Jayde back in the fold, but me, Im figuring disposable."

"Anyway, so we run off and get Lucy seen too. Turns out she's a spirit thingie like Conrad. She needs host, so we go to a hotel and Jayde and Michael go and get a new host that her order sent with Chuvalette, some previous chick that was here while I was in the slammer again. Anyway, they come back and head off to do the ritual. Jayde, Michael and I are in another room and suddenly the cops roll up."

"Someone dobbed Michael in for carrying a gun. So the cops check on me, and my name comes back as a parole violator, even though WR+H got me off, charges dismissed. Probably the council again. So, fuck that, I elbow a cop in the face and run. Donut boys cant catch me so Im out. Jayde and Michael split too and when I call J back, she's all 'Its not worth my while baby sitting you until you become the Slayer again'. Bitch. So, I decide to head over to your place and get my escape kit."

"Only I put that bag there just after I got out of prision, right, way before I got my money from the Mayor, but it's full of cash. How do you explain that, huh? No way I had that sorta cash before I found out I owned big chunks of realestate in Sunnyhell."

"Anyway, thats my story. Kinda skimpy on actual proof, but *shrugs* someone, not looking at your girl, has been trying to hide it, so I dont suspect there would be much really."

Casey's notes shape up as follows.

Mary right:

• faith just some chick.
• knife taken from a shop
• mary slayer
• faith in prison (why? why did council take her out?)
• why would mayor leave her money if not working for him

Faith/Jayde right:

• WR+H give her the cash & demon after she gets taken away from the War Council.
• mary got the knife after that.
• demon/Mayor confirmed . random magic chick confirm
• who dobbed michael in.

Casey chews his cheek for a minute. "Hangon, if Mary's right, that bag might have only been hidden on our roof for a week. If you're right. its been up there for months, right? So, what else is in there apart from cash and stuff?"

"Er..." Faith pulls the bag up to the table and starts to rummage around inside. "Well the 9mm, 2 extra mags, pants, 2 tee shirts, socks-n-jocks, cash. Er. Key." Faith pulls out a key and puts it on the table. "Dunno what it's for though." She pulls out a picture and shows it to Casey. "A snap of the boss that I grabbed. Ah, thats about it. Oh and your save games."

"Hmm. Come on, back to my place - we need to check the save games, plus the ones that we left back there. If any of them are more than, what, a week old [whenever WR+H contacted her], then that's proof one way. The problem is that its going to be hard to convince you that Mary's right and Jayde is gibbering - ya know, I can prove that you're right, but any evidence that you're wrong is all explained away by this memory changing spell that has somehow been placed on us all."

"Uh-huh. Sure... lets go back to the Mary's house. No thanks, I think I'll pass." She shakes her head. "Look, you aint going to convince me of anything, C. Ive been having weird dreams and.. look it sounds dumb, but what Jayde says hits the right buttons. I cant explain it. I just gotta with it." She skulls the coffee. "I dig your point of view though. You dont want your girl gutted. Cant really do much about that, 'cause it looks like one way or the other we're headed for a showdown." She pulls out a few bills and tosses them on the table. "Look, to be honest.." She shrugs. "Look. You aint going to convice me and nothing much I can do can convince you, right? So there isnt really much point to this, is there? Nice idea though. Nice to be listened to rather than shot at or anything. And for what its worth, Im sorry that me and ya girl are gunna throw down."

Casey looks at Faith "I thought you were getting the hell out of dodge - how does that lead to a shootout?"

"I lied. Sorry."

Casey looks down at his notes and then suddenly grabs Faith's bag and bolts for the door.

Faith swears and then jumps up after Casey. The bag is pretty heavy and not really suited to running, but Casey caught Faith by surprise and has a fair head start on her.

Casey's mind is racing. Are the games datestamped/datestampable? Do I know anyone within running distance that has hacked their ps2 and could read them without tweaking the data? I guess I'd be looking for a save game from a game we'd "bought" in the last month or so, unless I can get a firmer date as to when slayer-faith hid the bag (compared to when not slayer faith did). Plan,.. plan... yes, I should have had one of them before making a runner with the bag, but at least i have faith's attention... that's good right?

Casey bursts out the door and onto the street. Behind him he can hear someone collide with Faith and the sound of tables and chairs spilling.

Casey heads outside and then turns and sprints for home. He unzips the bag and starts digging round for the save cards. He gets about 8 shops down the road when the noises behind him tells him that Faith is up and out of the door and giving chase.

Casey digs around and finds one, then two cards. He turns and sees that Faith is gaining on him. He drops the bag, sprints and hopes. His legs are burning, but Casey has put on a burst of speed. Behind him, about 6 picket house fences back, Faith calls out "FREEZE!"

Casey pulls a sharp 90deg turn and bolts through someone's yard and over their back fence, then turns the same way another 90deg and runs back along the fence line parallel with the road, leaping fences as nec.

Faith shouts out, "Bastard. You better have eyes in the back of your head 'cause I know...."

Casey is far enough away to be safe. He pauses to catch some O2 and to examine the cards in his hand. One of them is a standard one (you and andy usually get the noname high capacity ones which hold more and are cheaper) and one is a standard Sony one (which you guys are unlikely to have purchased, although andy's machine did come with some 'extra stuff'). He pockets them and heads off home.

Thinking about tonight, "why would Faith have said 'I can jump on the roof"? Or more importantly, why would Andy remember Faith saying "I can jump up to the roof". Odd.

Arriving home, Andy is playing a fighting game on the PS2. "Hey Casey, check this out. Someone's hacked the save game. Check it out! Its unlocked all the special characters!! All of them. Check it out."

Only just resisting Andy's dangled second controler and the magic words "Two player... with Xtor vrs Oldar... with unlimited specials and choice of uniforms... you cant resist..."

"Ok.. just one.. no no. Damn it..." Casey's steely willpower kicks in. He moves into Mary's room and turns on her PS2 and TV. He cycles through the game saves. Mary or Casey are heavily into adventure games with some light action and fighting games. Andy too, although he plays more of the fighting and some driving games. The save games on these carts are pretty well all action and driving games.

The games are saved under the names 'bored', 'wicked', 'faster', 'fma', 'try2' or '2easy'. Checking the times, an annoying discovery. The games are dated relative to the PS2 'first time' (ah-la Jan 1 1970 for unix) and there seems to be definate repeated activity pretty well every 24 hours for about 5-6 hours (not every 24 hours, but most).

The racing games are about 90% gold medals with all cars and bikes and extra tracks unlocked. More curious is that there is only 1 race on each track, no retries, which usually indicates a hacked savegame. Either that or maybe Slayer reflexes at work.

Casey remembers Mary being great at video games in school, because of her Slayer reflexes she said, but mostly she plays Adventure games so the fighting games usually place Andy (with weeks of play time) and Mary (with supernatural help) on equal footing, atleast for the first 20 minutes.

One of the fighting games has a replay file on it. It's a pretty excellent fight to watch. The 'human' player blocks the end of level baddy's hits about 90% of the time and even getting in some solid blows, but the end of level baddies always cheat with massive knockdown special attacks. Still the final health is human 0%, baddie 13% which is a superhuman effort. Or a hack.

Casey calls out "Hey Andy, what sort of games does Faith play when she's using the playstation?" and wanders down to find him.

"How am I ment to know? I think we played a game of, err, Mortal Wombat 2 one. I cant remember. Holy shii... check this out. Here, sit up really close to the TV and try this... Jeeeezus... 250 miles per hou... aughhhh wall.... *BOOOOOOOM* Oh man, I think Im going to lose my lunch."

"Waaa. Hey, let me try that.... no, er, I mean, remember that conversation with her you were talking about - watch out! - no, I mean, drive away from the wall, not into it. I dunno that this game can claim to be realistic, I mean, don't the drivers get in trouble for using other cars to sideways brake? Oh, yeah, realistic - Faith and jumping onto the roof - when did she say that?"

"How can people drive at this speed! Id be so dead if ramming walls hurt. Waaaaaaaarrrggg. What roof? Oh that, well.. Aughghhh *BOOM*." Andy drops the controller and wide eyed, moves away from the TV. "Why is the room moving?" He shakes his head a couple of times and blink. "Err. Roof. I dont remember it was ages ago. We were getting drunk. She was bitching about her life and I was pretending to care so Id score. I forget how it came up. Something about keeping up with Muffy or something. I dunno. Sounded kinda hot whatever it meant."

"Other than the obvious booze answer - " Casey throws a cushion at Andy to see how badly his 3d vision is affected " - man, that game really s screws up your visuals. I wonder if you hypnotise people by getting them to play that game and putting like subliminals in as watermarks? Er... I was saying something important. Um, yeah! Faith. Hey, help me figure this out - Faith says Mary did something maaaaagical to change reality. How would you tell?"

The pillow hits Andy in the face. "Ugggf, hey!". His hand comes up to block it. Doh. Andy starts to think. "Err, I dunno. Maybe an anti magic spell? Or maybe disbelieving. Hey! Why dont we, err, you, just ask her?"

"I think the answer is summed up by the hestiation in the question. Ok, here's the skinny - Faith says she's meant to be the slayer, not Mary. Option a) Faith is bonkers. Proof - we all remember Mary the Slayer, and so on, and she still kicks righteous ass. Option b) Faith is the Slayer. Proof - Jayde says the same thing, and Faith seems to have a really heavy amount of money that she couldn't have got in this timeline. Other lines of investigation - Andy (that's you) remembers Faith saying she could jump to the top of buildings. There's a bunch of saves for games that Mary hates but they'd require Slayer reflexes, like this car game adn that fighting game. Some of them were in the bag of Faith's that she stowed up there months ago."

"Or c) she's making it all up. I mean if she has as much cash as you seem to think then couldnt she fake all of that? I mean I guess we get the games pretty soon after release, but with money, you could hire someone like me or Glitch to put the dates back. Geez, give me 20 mins and I can make all your saves dated 1901." Andy gets up and walks over to Casey. "You're really buying this arnt you? Come on dude, we all remember Mary from high school. You are so not gettin' any if she finds this out."

"Er. Sort of, not really. I guess what really bugs me is that Jayde said the same thing. I dunno - Mary said that Jayde and Faith had been conspring with demons, maybe its all part of that. I guess I just want to try and prove it one way or another. On the other hand, do I really want Mary to not be the Slayer? Red pill! Red pill!" Casey flops on to the couch.

"So two people say the same thing so its gotta be true? Whats to stop Faith and Jayde from saying stuff just to get Mary in trouble. Hello? Earth to Casey. It's Jayde. Miss social executioner. 'Gee, its not like she'd every say anything like that.'" Andy thinks for abit. "Seems to me that unless you can actually transfer Slayer-ness this whole thing is moot. So why not just find out if it is possible to transfer, and then switch it from Mary to Faith. There, everyone gets happy. Just leave me out of it, right?" I wouldnt want to upset our delicate "'living arrangements' with her."

"Fuck it, you're right, I'm just going to ask her. What's the worst thing that could happen?"

Andy's eyes go wide and his jaw slackens. He points behind Casey.

Fade to black.

Casey's head is in a vice. Or atleast it feels that way. Pain. Throat dry. Arms ache. Confused.

Guess who's voice is. "... so there he is in the same old suit, the suit that Buffy killed him in." She laughs a sad sort of laugh. "I know I shouldnt like him 'cause he was evil. I know it's bent, but he was always just so nice to me. Fuck that sounds pathetic doesnt it? Weak. Well, lets check out the list, huh? That'll be fun wont it. Where are they now. Lets see, we got Elizabeth who as you know, the Council sent to get me. She was tortured to death by Kakistos. Gwenny Post, who conned me into fighting Buffy and turned out to be evil. Buffy killed her. Oh and Buffy was pretty cool for a while there."

Casey's eyes wont open. Its dark and everything hurts. The sound of water running is nearby.

"I mean Buff had her nerdy little scoobies and I was always out the outer there, after all, they all had the hots for B and her comes some chick and steals her away from them. They hated me, but B and me... for a while atleast, were real tight. I'd go patrolling with her. Im a pretty mean fighter, as your friend Andy found out, huh? "B and I 'd go out hunting vamps. I guess thats another thing that makes more sense if I was the Slayer. Hmm. Maybe not. I mean I patrolled here in Berekeley just as plain old human me and Ive dusted 6 on my lonesome." In a humor less voice she adds "Yaaay me.

"Anyway, where were we? Oh yeah, what happened with B. Well like I was saying, for a while there we were the Chosen Two, patrolin' and slayin' the night away and that was cool. Anyway, we find this uberdemon, right, so we're heading off to get the gang and all these vamps appear out of nowhere. Like in the movies, the morons come one at a time, so B and I are takin' turns dusting 'em. Vamp. Dust. Vamp. Dust. So we turn the corner and this guy is right on top of us. B grabs him and pushes him my way, so *pow*, right into the heart. Only he doesnt dust, right? He just falls down and starts to die. We're like fucking panicing, but there aint anything we can do but watch him die. So we split, right, 'cause who wants to end up in jail?"

Head throbbing.

"Anyway, next day, B comes to visit and is all like, 'Faith, we killed a man'. Somehow, I dont see me puttin' an arrow though a guys heart being a 'we' in the council's eyes, so Im 'we dont tell anyone'. Buffy agreed, but I knew her, it'd eat her up inside. Anyway, it bought me some breathing room to think. I was thinkin' about ditching town when Buffy comes to find me and tries the 'we gotta tell someone' routine again. Im like 'No way. Accident. Noone is gunna buy that.' So she launches into some long fucking speech about how wrong it is. Sure I felt like shit and all. I mean he just sat there, trying to talk. His mouth moved and all, but nothing came out. He.. Um. Yeah, so he died. I felt bad but it was a fucking accident. What could I do about it? Then Buffy hits the 'it's eating me up inside' line and Im like 'I dont care'. Then out come the magic words, 'but Faith, you killed a man'. I knew then that was it. Welcome to planet You're Going Down, Buffy Saves Her Own Ass. Change 'we' to 'you' and suddenly its every girl for herself."

"Anyway, naturally everyone is like 'Faith is a murderer'. The Scoobies are like 'oh she was always bad'. The council send a team to kidnap me back to England. I think when you're chained in the back of a truck about to be shipped out of the country, thats when you kinda feel like maybe people dont like you."

"So, I escape and thats when I went to see the Mayor. We knew he was up to something bad, right, so I figure if I can get some info on him, then they'd accept me back. Sorry. Thats bullshit. To be truthful, I was thinking that, but I was also thinking that I just wanted to hurt them back. Buffy hurt me. Time for payback and who better than her enemy, right? Figured Id use him to either get back at them or to get back in their good books. I never really expected to like him."

"The trouble was that he was just so nice. He sat down and he listened to what I had to say and he made me a fair offer. The guy was just charm and niceness, right? I mean can you believe it, he was going to eat the school, but he made me drink milk 'cause a 'A girl your age? Bones need calcium, young lady.' This from a guy who built the local school on the Hellmouth and wanted to feed everyone to demons. Is that fucked up or what?"

"Anyway, in the end, I kinda liked him more than the council or Buffy or anyone else. Sure he wanted to become a demon and take over the world, but he took me to play minigolf and get icecream. I still dont get how you get to be that evil and so nice."

"How did we get talking about this again? Huh, Case? Ah, Buffy, Mayor. Oh yeah the Mayor in his suit. Anyway, Lucy and Arden do this spell, right, so there he is still in that tie and suit. Man, I just could have died. I mean he was ok. Well, in a Hell dimension, but still ok, right? I mean if you saw what they did to the school to take him out. Booooom!"

"So he's like all formal with the introductions and stuff, wanting to be introduced to everyone. He's so weird like that. I kinda wanted to hug him, but Lucy said that it'd just be an image, so I didnt want to make a dick of myself infront of the others. Anyway, he asks Jayde if she'll help me get my powers back and she's like 'maybe'. Then he says the weirdest thing, he says that I dont need to be the Slayer and some other crap about effecting stuff."

She sits down near Casey (atleast it sounds that way). "So Case, how is it that you can be so close to someone but they dont really know you? I mean 'not be the slayer'. Why would he say that? Why would he think that I didnt want to be the Slayer? How could he not understand what I want? What do you think? I mean you obviously dont know Mary at all, right? How is it you can be a couple and not know what shes been up to?"

She waits a little. Casey's throat is too sore to speak. He tries to swallow to ease it a little. Something prods Casey. "Dude, are you still out? Come on, no way I hit you that hard. What? Maybe it's my unknown Slayer strength? Yeah, good point, but sad to dissapoint. First thing I tried. Jayde and I sparred and she wiped the floor with me. Nothin' but human muscle here, Case. Check it out? Like the tat? Wanna feel? No? Your loss." Faith stand up again and walks around.

"Guess noone every really knows anyone else, huh? I mean I guess you gotta measure everyone by what you think and want and know. I guess all you can do is learn all you can and try and imagine what it is they feel." The walking stops. "I mean I understand it, though right. The Mayor had this plan that he worked on for a hundred years right. He built a fucking town for it. I guess it's only natural that he's going to expect me to be that patient too, right. Hey, did I tell you that he left me these Books of Assension? He used 'em to become this demon. I mean, fuck, does he think that Im a 100 year kinda girl? Yeah. Yeah, you're right, I guess he does. Kinda makes me sad though, to think that someone you're so tight with can just not understand you like that. Yeah. You're right, Case, maybe opposites attract."

Casey manages to swallow some saliva and his throat rasps back to noise making status. His eyes unblurr, atleast enough to make out shapes. It's dark where you are, but you can see the outline of Faith and feel cold concrete beneth your cheek. Your wrists seem tied.

"Yeah, so its about then that your little hottie bursts on our little party. Just enough time for us to open the portal, but not enough to actually find anything out. Anyway, ya girl bursts in and so does the rest of the watchers council. No way that they leave the library to patrol, so they must have known what we were doing. Lucy said as much after she was shot. She said we'd been being followed by magic. Now, who do you figure gains from stopping us chatting to the Boss, huh? Yeah, I thought you'd see it my way."

"Anyway we do the sewer dive and then off make our get away. Figure that the council put me on the cops APB list. That'd explain the 'parole violation' at the hotel. I just know they blame me for this. They were always paranoid about me trying to contact the Boss. Figure that now Ive done it and 'turned Jayde evil' they'll be out to make sure I dont sway their good little girlies any worse."

"Did I tell you that when I came out of the coma they sent a team to get me? Only Id swapped bodies with Buff and was tossin' her toyboy. Turns out they grabbed her in my bod. She was plenty pissed. Apparently they were just gunna kill her. What? Shocked? Gasp! Me too. So you see why I figure that they'll go for plan A again? Yeah. Me too. Glad you see that I gotta protect my little ass."

Casey moans and moves a little. "Ow...".

"Its about time. Man, I thought Id fucked you up big time or put you in a coma or something." She comes over sits down next to Casey. "Hey. How you feelin'? Seems I might have hit you a bit harder than I intended. Blame your boy Andy. He had to be the hero." Faith brushes some hair away from Casey's face. "So, you wanna stay like this or can I untie you running off or goin' ninja on me too? You'd never make it out of here without me catching you. I know these tunnels like the back of my hand. Ya know, just incase you're thinking about it."

"No, actually I think I'll blame the person who hit me. Idiot." Soothing cold concrete on my head, hooray.

Faith shrugs. "Yeah, well I figured you'd come quiet. My mistake. Anyway, our little talk in the shop got me thinking about stuff. Made me realise that someone has been tracking me. Figure its either the council or your girl, Mary. Either way, not really fond of the idea of being hunted down, so I figured that I needed some collateral. Hence the second visit. Nothing really personal."

"That makes me feel better. I'd hate to think it was personal"

"Yeah. Fine. Whatever. Look, Im just telling you that the role of hostage, against me being killed by your girl, is going to be played by you. I need some time to think and try and work stuff out. If it makes you any better the other option was to pick your girl off as she goes into her next exam. Im a good shot with a bow you know. Nailed angel from down the street. Hey, I can still pick option two if Im cramping your fucking playstation time."

"You're right, what was I thinking, this will definately bring everyone around to thinking 'what a good idea, lets return super power to Faith, after all she's so friendly and mildmannered'. What's your plan B, kill Andy too?"

Faith smacks her forhead and says in a nice fake voice. "You're right. What was I thinking. Especially now that it seems someone organised an attack on the fucking scooby meeting at the uni. Yeah, Alex sucked dry, Gemma and Henry badly hurt. Sure, the council are sure going to leave me alone now, huh? What with them last seeing me talking to demons and 'turning Jayde bad'. No. No. They wouldnt blame me for that." There is a definate note of panic in her voice.

Casey sighs and relaxes. "Fuck. You know, earlier tonight I would have stood up and said I didn't think it was you. Ow, jebus my head hurts. At least give me an aspirin or something."

Faith stands up and paces. "But now you do, huh? What, so I con Lucy and Arden into summoning the Mayor, I turn Jayde evil, then split after arranging the cops to arrest me. So then I come and grab the bag, hang round like a loser talking with you, then you piss off with the bag, then half an hour later I come back and grab you. Oh and inbetween that I arrange to have half the fucking council killed? And using vamps to attack your fucking vampire slayer girlfriend while she's with a bunch of fucking watchers. Yeah. Brilliant. Fucking brilliant." Oh, we have hyper girl here. "Look, I just said if I wanted to kill Mary I'd do it from a roof top. Why would I do something dumb like that?" She leans down and grabs Casey by the shirt. "Huh? Why? Why would I try and kill her with a fucking vampire gang? She's a Slayer! They are a bunch of Watchers. It's fucking dumb, OK? It wasnt me." Faith is definatly on edge.

Casey makes unhappy noises "Enough with the shaking! Eurrrrg, my head, ow, ow, ow!" ... once the room stops pulsing "Ok, its dumb, good, fine, so who did do it? Maybe this Mayor guy wants to push you back at him? Maybe Jayde and Lucy are playing games with you? And before you say it, ok, if its Mary, how and why?" Casey tries to walk a fine line of pissing Faith off so she tells him stuff but doesn't hit him again.

She lets go of Casey and stands and starts pacing, idly chewing her finger nails. "No. No. It wouldnt be the Boss. He wouldnt do that to me. Jayde? Maybe. I dunno. She can be a stuckup bitch, but she's been pretty straight with me usually. Lucy? Maybe. She's just weird, like Conrad, magical or something. I dunno why Mary would do it. Seems to me that shes got the council kissing her ass. Yeah, they are sure her bitches. I dont know. I dont fucking know, ok?"

Mmm, cool, cold concrete again. Casey neglects to mention that a few minute ago, Faith was saying you never really know someone. "War Council? Or some other faction?"

"War council? Maybe.. No, no. They'd be after Jayde. Jayde is the 'real' Slayer now. They need to milk her to get another one. Sure, maybe they helped split Jayde off from the council, but they just want another Slayer, they wouldnt care if the Council runs her or whatever, they just want an army of Slayers. I dont see why they'd attack the Council or Mary. I mean the Council here have no idea whats goin' on. No way they could be a threat to the War Council. Shit. Someone's coming after me, I can _feel_ it."

Casey tries the meditation techniques that he read about a few years ago, to block the pain. "Ok. Someone's after you. Why? You're just some chick with a bad temper. " Oops, he was concentrating too much on the lack of pain.

"Hey! Fuck you! Im not just some chick, ok?" [That doesnt sound quite as convincing as maybe its intended to ;)]. "The time of the Slayer is coming to a close, Casey boy. And it looks like Mary and me are on the short list, maybe even sharing one crown. Gee, I dont know Casey, why would Mary possibly want to kill me now that it seems like she stole my slayerness?"

"I'm still not convinced of that, y'know. I mean, what was Mary like if not the Slayer? I've got some weird games, and something Andy said. Last week Andy said that the watermellon smelled of soap, and I could have lent those save cards to nearly anyone...Er. Wait a sec, you mentioned another Slayer..."

"Yeah, apparently there are going to be 4. Not for long though." She slices her fingernail across her throat.

Casey closes his eyes and lays back on the ground. "I dunno. My head hurts. People think my grillfriend is changing reality. I'm captured by a bloodthirsty valkyrie. I still can't stop my cow from eating villagers. Insufficient data, try again later."

Faith looks over, puzzled and then comes over and starts to untie Casey's hands. "Lets not do the running thing, ok? Im tired." She heads over to 'the' bag and pulls out a water bottle, tossing it over. "Knock yourself out, tiger." She comes over and sits near Casey. "Look, I dont wanna kill anyone, ok. I could do. I could do Mary and Jayde, but I dont. I know its going to happen, sooner or later, but I dont want to. Noone fucking believes that, but its the truth. Im not bloodthrirst, its just bloodthirsty stuff keeps happening to me. Ok, thats not true. Maybe 'I dont want to be bloodthristy' is more accurate. So, cow-boy, what do we do then?"

"Well, according to tv, I smack you in the head with the waterbottle, we fight for a while and then just as you are going to win, you fall down a hole, or I get rescued or something. Ok, first thing - where's Andy?"

"Andy? Oh he's a little bruised and a lot wiser. I didnt break him, although he seemed a little upset that his Sun-Su, art of war, ninja stuff didnt work out quite right. Loser. Sorry, I know you're friends and all, but the Council started teaching me to kill vamps when I was just shy of 16, so I dont think a geeky, pizza eating, college boy is that much of a threat. Anyway, he's fine. Once I demonstrated to him that his Kungfu wasnt as good as mine, he was happy to lay on the floor quietly. I think the same thing goes for your waterbottle trick. Unless you've been fighting vamps while Mary isnt looking." She rolls up her sleeve and shows Casey her muscles. "Check it out. Soild, huh? Two hours a day since I was young, plus 6 hours a day last year." She rolls her sleeve back down. "Still weaker than vamps though, even weak ones. Dont magic just sucks."

Casey is fairly relieved - if Andy was badly hurt, it was a dealbreaker. "I don't get it, why would they teach you all this stuff if you're not the slayer - i thought that they ignored candidates until the magic day"

"Yeah, well, Ive been through my 'killing for fun' period and Im way over it. Well apparently the council want to find and train potentials, but most of they time they dont find them or they cant take them out of their environment. Anyway, Elizabeth was War Council according to Henry." Faith shrugs and leans back. "She wasnt a hard ass or anything, infact she was really kinda gentle. Apparently her brother was killed by some K'Ratth demons in Finland or something. Anyway, she just wanted it all stopped. Demons, the lot. So she started training me, until she died. By then I knew about the Council and demons and stuff, so the Council couldnt let me go back to being plain old Faith. Plus with a 1000 year old vamp hunting me across the country, dropping in on Buffy and the Council in Sunnyd looked pretty appealing."

Casey makes the thinking face. "Ok, explain to me how it isn't just that you're crazy and Jayde is causing trouble and demons aren't just lying. I mean, Mary's been whack recently, but killings someone in her way isn't her thing."

"No, but it's my 'thing', right?" Her voice is actually pretty calm when she adds, "It's never `Buffy's thing` or `Mary's thing`. Look, it isnt much of a line, ok? You may think that its a hard line to cross but it isnt, believe me. Its a lot easier than you think." She leans forward and rubs her eyes (offering Casey the perfect opportunity to use the 'hit her on the head with the waterbottle' plan :). "Especially when you've seen so much of it. Look, Im just saying that there was a time when it wasnt `Faith's thing` either, ok? I dunno how this works or what Jayde and Mary are thinking." She laughs, "This is gunna sound corny, but Im just going with what feels right. I remember it just like you do, so Im not exactly evidence girl, OK?"

"Well, you can't really expect me to turn up and ask Mary - hey, did you hijack reality? - I dunno dude, what do you want to do? I mean, why did you bring me here?"

"Hostage." Faith stands and shrugs. "Maybe witness. I dunno, just with Mary and her pet Council gunning for me, it seemed the smart thing to do. I thought about running, but like the Christian told me, the Council are everywhere. There aint anywhere I could go and get away from all this. Plus atleast Jayde is here, so they gotta be careful that she doesnt see them off me. Atleast thats how it was until tonight, Im not real sure they care any more. Grabbing you just seemed to be the smart play. Sorry, I guess, but Im not real keen on 'dissapearing'. Atleast this way, If it is Mary, I got something to deal with, and if it isnt, well Im sure she'll come after whoever it was."

"Great. So how does this world-spanning alleged conspiracy keep it together, anyway?"

"I dont know, OK?" She throws her hands in the air. "Why the fuck does everyone keep asking me that? I dont fucking know. I dont fucking know why Mary is the Slayer. I dont know how she did it. I dont know why she did it. I dont know. I dont know! All I know is that I feel like the fucking Slayer, but Im not, Im weak. Mary is some perfect fucking Slayer for everyone else and Im just.. what was it that council guy called me? Oh yeah, a skanky, murdering, little psycho with a chip on her shoulder." She leans down close to Casey and pokes a finger into his chest, "Well you dont see her like I do, do you? You dont feel it as she pushes you under the water, do you?" [Oooook, that'd be the barkingly insane vibe.]

Casey leans back under the onslaught. "Er, actually, I meant the Council - sorry dude. But no, I guess not. Shit, I dunno. I don't suppose you'd consider bringing Jayde here?"

Faith snorts, "Um, what where the words she used... 'convince me I should talk to you' and something about 'baby sitting' me until I get my Slayer powers back not being worth her time. Oh and my personal favorite, 'I dont want someone so impulsve to be a Slayer, on my side or not'. Basically, Im on my own. Welcome to Faith season, hunting may commence on the sound of the horn."

"Sounds like Jayde. You should have stolen her waredrobe. Maybe you could go to central America or something."

"I told her I wasnt going back to prison. Once those cops tried to arrest me, no way I was going quiet." Faith shakes her head. "As to running? I hate being on the run, Kakistos taught me that. Plus Im more an 'in ya face' kinda girl, so forcing a last stand here is much more 'me' than running off somewhere." She looks over to the bag. "Shit. I wish I had a bow. I mean a pistol has 'cred' and all, but I kick ass with a bow."

Casey absentmindedly says "You should have asked, there's a 100 pound crossbow in the roof at our place, we hid it there when Andy shot that policecar by accident." while staring at the roof.

Faith looks round at casey and smiles, "Really?" Then she shakes her head. "Na. Cant go back there. Andy probably will have called Mary by now."

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